It took me a while to write these lines. On my son's birthday, mixed feelings of happiness and sadness overwhelmed me. He was already 1 and I feel like I haven't lived with him.
Before my son was born, I thought that nothing would throw me off track this time. That I know exactly what to expect. That I'm well prepared and that I'll have the dual role of mother under control, since my daughter yes it's already 3.
The first few months went great as my little one was very easy to care for. But the older he got, the more difficult everything became. I not only have to share my heart, but also try to do justice to both. The time is so short in contrast to the tasks that are pending in everyday life. Both require closeness, love and time and I just don't know how. How am I supposed to give both of these things together and manage the household at the same time!
How am I supposed to give my daughter the same attention I gave her before she was born?
And how am I supposed to give my son the same attention?
I'm sad about the time we no longer have with my oldest and sad about the lack of time with my youngest. How time flies. I wish there were more than 24 hours in the day so I can do everything justice. I always feel like I'm not doing justice to anyone. This feeling leaves a crying heart every night.
How much I miss the time with my daughter when we were just the two of us and we could intensively experience and enjoy our time together. That thought always ends with a sad ache in my chest. It's just not fair to have those thoughts about my son. It doesn't feel right but they are there. How am I supposed to give both of them the same attention? I'm sad every day because my little one is missing out and because I can't put my daughter to bed as usual because her brother is in mine poor lies. She lies next to me and holds my hand because she misses me and he lies in my arms and slowly falls asleep.
These are moments when my heart cries.
Oh oh my heart sometimes bursts with sadness and sometimes with happiness. Watching both of them my heart dances with joy. Such beautiful people who belong to me. Such loving and innocent people who enrich my life and make me whole.
Do you know that feeling when your children are lying next to you and you are worried? You worry about everything!
For her life.
For their future.
For their health.
They are doing well though!
And then the thought when they grow up and leave the house. How many times have I had the thought of my daughter leaving the house and then I'm actually sitting there, TRUE story, crying! And she's only 3 years old. Then I try to pull myself together and think to myself, I still have so much time. But then I realize how quickly time flies.
Before becoming a mother, I never expected to feel so much. So many emotions and feelings that overwhelm you.
I think motherhood is the greatest emotional challenge in life and only a mother understands that!
Only now do I understand my mother!